46 and precisely on time
Goals are brilliant. Society’s arbitrary timetable for your life is not.
Today I turn 46. In fact, unless you happen to be reading this on the day it is published I already have, but 14 September 2026 sees me creep one year closer to 50 and, as birthdays tend to do once you’ve collected enough of them, gives me an excuse to look back at what I’ve done so far. And I’ve done a lot. I’ve travelled the world, seen the pyramids , trekked through the desert and gazed at satellites from the Sahara. I’ve learned to sail , learned to fly and learned how to pick a lock , though never at the same time and never, before anyone asks, because I needed to make a particularly elaborate escape. I’ve played football on Copacabana Beach in Brazil and eaten with royalty, along with countless other things which range from the genuinely impressive to the frankly ridiculous. That list isn’t even a tiny fraction of it all. I’ve had experiences that a younger version of me would never have believed were coming, met people I had no reason to expect I would ever meet and found myself in situations that sound increasingly made up whenever I try to explain them. It has been, for all the mistakes and disasters along the way, one hell of a life so far. The Pyramids of Giza. Photo supplied by Glen Ocsko. Not one of those things, however, happened because somebody told me I should have done it by a certain age. There are endless articles explaining what you should have achieved by 20, 30, 40 or whatever other conveniently round number generates the most clicks. By 30 you should apparently have six months’ salary sitting untouched in a savings account, own a house or at least be well on the way to buying one, have established a career and travelled enough of the world to feel that you’ve properly lived before becoming sensible. You should also be in a serious relationship, married or planning to marry, have children or at the very least possess a detailed and mutually agreed strategy for producing them. Wonderful. Perhaps you should also have perfect teeth, a sourdough starter and one of those immaculate kitchens where nobody appears to cook anything more complicated than an avocado. The problem isn’t that any of those things are bad ambitions. Saving money is clearly more sensible than spending it all on novelty hats, home ownership can provide security and a happy relationship or family can bring more joy than almost anything else in life. A good career can give you purpose, travel can change the way you see the world and having a plan is generally better than wandering around hoping everything will somehow sort itself out. The problem is the word “should”. Everyone’s life is so different that setting a universal timetable for it is patently absurd. Some people know what career they want while they’re still at school; others are halfway through their working lives before they discover the thing they’re actually good at. Some meet the person they want to marry at 18, while others find them at 48 or 78 or never meet them at all and are perfectly happy regardless. Some desperately want children, some absolutely don’t and some change their minds several times depending on their age, circumstances and whether they have recently spent time near somebody else’s children. There is no correct order for any of it, and there certainly isn’t a deadline after which you have somehow failed. Telling somebody they must own a house by 30 because that is what successful adults do makes about as much sense as telling someone they must eat worms because they are a teenage boy. No, that’s bullshit. Of course they shouldn’t. If you want to eat worms then eat worms. I wouldn’t personally recommend it and doubt there is a sommelier alive who could suggest an appropriate wine, but it’s your life and your digestive system. Just don’t do it because society has inexplicably decided that teenage boys who haven’t eaten a sufficient quantity of worms are falling behind their peers. That is the distinction which matters. Goals are brilliant; inherited obligations masquerading as goals are not. I believe deeply in the importance of doing things. Having something to aim for can drag an idea out of that vague “one day” part of your brain and turn it into something real, especially when you write it down, make a plan and start taking whatever small steps are needed to get there. If you decide you want to run a marathon before you are 30, visit every continent before you are 40 or learn how to fly before you are 50 then fucking go for it. Setting yourself a deadline might be exactly the motivation you need. But it must be your deadline , chosen because it helps you achieve something you want . Learning to fly. Photo: Glen Ocsko. Don’t buy a house because somebody younger than you has one and you feel embarrassed that you don’t. Don’t get married because everyone else appears to be doing it and you’re worried that the available supply of acceptable partners is about to be discontinued. Don’t have children because a relative keeps asking when it will be your turn, and don’t stay in a career you hate simply because walking away from the title and salary would look like going backwards. Most importantly, don’t look at somebody else’s life and mistake their progress towards the things they want for evidence that you have failed to achieve the things you don’t. To paraphrase Gandalf, a wizard is never late, nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to. Admittedly Gandalf never had to deal with mortgage applications, dating apps or the biological realities of having children, so his advice has limits, but the principle still works. The things on your list are not achieved too late or too early. They are achieved when they are right for you. Sometimes that will be at 20 and sometimes it will be at 70, while occasionally you will get close enough to something to realise that you never really wanted it and were chasing it only because you thought you should. There is always time to learn something else. Photo: Glen Ocsko. Crossing that off your list is an achievement too. At 46 I don’t feel as though I’ve completed life, nor do I want to. There are still places I want to see, things I want to learn and experiences I want to have, including plenty I don’t yet know exist. Some will happen soon, some may take decades and others will fall away as my priorities change and new ideas replace them. I’m not behind on any of them. I’m precisely on time. Make your list . Fill it with things that excite you, frighten you, challenge you or simply make you laugh whenever you imagine telling someone you’ve done them. Give them deadlines if deadlines help and throw everything you have at achieving them. Just make sure they are yours. Society already has enough things it wants from you. It doesn’t get to write your list as well.